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Who invited Fear to the party?

Fear is like the little boy who cried wolf. He's a liar. Well most of the time anyway. He's certainly a party pooper and I would highly recommend not including him on any guest list because he's such an attention seeker and drama queen; he's not the fun drunk, he's the one that crashes the party. Simply put, he's a real downer. There's a small amount of fear that is healthy, and reasonable to listen to. The fear that breeds common sense is prudent. However the fear that runs around screaming worst case scenarios? Puhlease. That fear needs to go.


Welcome to my Liz Chat (my version of a Ted Talk). First of all, I have a book recommendation. I just started reading "Feeding the Soul" by Tabitha Brown and it's such a breath of fresh air and you read it as if you're sitting there having coffee or tea with the author and she's your friend, speaking words of encouragement and cooing words of comfort and compassion while gently insisting that you get out of your own way.


On that note.....that ties into what I felt led to discuss which is when we are actually our biggest mountain to move. We can blame everyone else all day long. What if he or she or they won't approve!?! What if I fail? What if I face plant?! To which I say, so what if you do? What if they don't approve? You can speculate and imagine what a disaster it would be to even try or you can just freaking do it and see what happens. Speak words of encouragement to yourself rather than the fear mongering. Saying things like "what if this actually works out for me? What if I fly?! What if I don't give my power to others? What if I stop trying to control everyone else's reaction to me living my best life because THAT is on them, and my life is on me? What if I love myself enough to BE myself?"......


I know we all have a variety of speed bumps and hiccups to try to maneuver in life so I would propose not BEING your own speed bump. I say this from my own experience. I spent way too long frozen in fear or trying to avoid fear all together because it is rather unpleasant. BUT, to do great things, you have to do them afraid and the fear will subside. Staying in your comfort zone is exactly what fear would like. Also, it's noteworthy to mention that some fear is good and healthy. Obviously, having a healthy fear of bears will keep you alive and not part of their food chain. Do not try to befriend a bear. But I'm talking about the fear that holds us hostage and lies to us just to keep us in "our place", quaking in our boots. THAT kind of fear is insidious and will have you living a very small and anxiety riddled life and when you get to the end, you'll be filled with the regrets of not ever trying, not ever stepping into the things you always dreamed of doing or being. Honeys, we get ONE life. I mean even if you believe in reincarnation, are you going to say "I'll try to be braver next time around?" or are you going to look at THIS precious life you have and make the most of it?


I spent YEARS talking about going back to school before I finally just had to do it afraid or I'd never do it at all and that would've been a shame. It's like writing my book...I've talked about that for years, but it's time to just write. I have no idea if it will be a best seller or a flop, but that's not even why I'm writing. My goal is to share my heart with others in as many ways as I can. And I love to write so why am I not using that gift? What if my book doesn't sell?! SO WHAT?! What if I can't find a publisher?! SELF PUBLISH. What if no one likes it!!! MEH, I'm not everyone's cup of tea.


So to help me work out more of my own kinks, I also decided to go back into counseling. I'm one of those lifetime members. There is no shame in that. Some can go for a short period and be good to go. However, I'm a constant work in progress and while I have already come such a long way, I'd be dishonoring myself if I were to try to do the rest on my own. I just announced it on a whim the other night, "You know, I think I'm going to go back to counseling." I mean, not only do I owe it to myself and my family, but to my future clients and really anyone I am around or touch in anyway. We all have a responsibility to show up as the best versions we can at any time. That looks different year to year, sometimes day to day even, but we all have a responsibility to EACH OTHER to become better. And once I make a decision, it's go time. I share this trait with my husband's grandmother, who in many ways I aspire to be like. She's now 94 years young and the woman has always had gusto. She has always been a confident, decisive person. If there is one thing I have always detested, it's wishy-washyness. That's another red flag and symptom you are letting fear take the wheel. The wavering. The excuse making. The "maybe", "I'll try", "I hope".... ugh! All of that introduces doubt and I prefer more declarative statements. Such as I will, I am and I do. It's like proclamations to yourself and the universe that you're getting shit done. It's not "I'll try to get shit done" or "Maybe...I hope one day I might get shit done"..... no no no. Decide who you want to be and use the language you will need to coach yourself past fear, moving in the direction of your next level you.


So, all that being said, I'm not perfect so I reached out to the same mental health mvp I did two years ago and he has found a great match. That's the beauty of Psychology Today....it's like Tinder only way more productive and not for hook ups but for long term commitment. To yourself. 5 stars, highly recommend, both therapy and choosing yourself. Once you choose yourself, you care not what others think of your best life, because you're too busy being happy. If this sounds selfish....it is. You should be selfish but this isn't in a conceited way. We need to change the narrative from having to either be a complete doormat or completely off the rails inconsiderate to others. There is a balance and choosing to work on yourself is of the highest good for all, I promise you that.


I am not afraid of counseling at ALL, it's something I celebrate so I'll probably be having cake soon. I recommend it to everyone. It's been the best and most loving thing I have ever done for myself. I actually don't understand why it still has a stigma attached to it? Counseling is actually what helped me move forward and get used to the idea of doing things afraid.


So what's on your life to-do list? I don't like the term "Bucket list" because it implies you might get around to doing something before you're dead. Meh. How about living NOW. What's on your I'd do it if I weren't scared list? What steps do you need to take in order to. move closer to THAT? Take it in baby steps and create small wins because those little wins will be your stepping stones through fear. Stop making excuses and bend toward the light; rise sisters! That's my pearl of wisdom. YES it's hard, YES it's uncomfortable, YES it's scary!!!! But I wish I'd done it sooner, and once you get to the other side of fear, you'll wish you'd done it sooner too!


Now go forth and buy this book. Also drop a list of good reads on me especially if they are in the area of self development. I'm addicted to improving myself.








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